Is there a right way and a wrong way to tell your husband what you need from him????

I love my husband so much! He's the best thing that's ever happened to me besides our son. Sometimes I get upset with him because it feels as if he doesn't listen, or remember what I say. I am constantly talking to him letting him know what I need from him in terms of communication, and what help I need around the house, but it seems as if I'm trying to remember everything to make sure things get done. Is it in men's nature to procrastinate? I want to learn how to better communicate with him to where he will remember what I say, and apply that to our relationship. I feel it's very important for a woman and a man to communicate with each other what they expect out of their relationship, and what they need from each other in terms of talking, doing chores, remembering important bills etc. Sometimes I can say something to him, and minutes later he's forgotten, or he's really just brushed me off and doesn't even recall me saying anything. May be I expect too much out of him.Is there a right way and a wrong way to tell your husband what you need from him????
The right way is words. Tell him with plain, simple, and small words.





Do not drop hints to him.





If you and the rest of the female population in the world need to know one fact about us men, it is we DO NOT take hints.Is there a right way and a wrong way to tell your husband what you need from him????
Men are just men and they are wired sooooo different then us. Just when you think you are getting through to them you realize they just finally agree because they don't know how to listen and think like women. It's not their fault. Thats the way they are made. I use to go through the same thing but they try. They really and truly don't know what we are talking about or how to be like we wish them to be. Try to put yourself in their shoes as if you had no clue where to begin.They have a totally different mindset and think soooo diffferent about things then we do. Just accept that he's not abnormal, he was made to be a man, if they were more like us it wouldn't work out at all. God designed us this way so we would balance each other out! You can't change them or make them understand and they can't help that.. They are MALE and only human. Good Luck!!
There's quite a bit of research around to say that ON AVERAGE men and women have some different characteristics which goes back to when we were hunter gatherers.





Men had to hunt and then plan for the next hunt while women gererally stayed closer to camp did the gathering and everything else for that matter (so not much has changed)





So to answer some of you questions in GENERAL terms





Yes, men procrastinate more than women


Yes, women comumicate much better than men


Men find it quite threatening to be corrected / told - as they feel they have failed


Men love it when you ask their advice


Men tend to focus on the future whilst women are much more effective at dealing with the here and now





These are all generalisations though and it does not mean that you husband is necessarily like this in all respects. (I have one male friend who always comes up as a chic when he does this type of computer test and a girl friend who usually comes up as a guy!)





However, try using a few of these characteristics to your advantage - for example instead of just telling him to to pay the bills on time just add something like 'what do you think?' on the end.





When you are talking about your relationship try to focus more on how his behaviour makes you FEEL rather than what you need him to DO as psychologicaly this has much more impact.





You sound like a great couple and I it sounds just like he hasn't really understood rather than he is trying to ignor you. I guess we just have to face it - men are often pretty slow on the uptake!!





Good luck but it sounds so much as if its all going to work out really great for you both : )
talk to him while you are naked,, he will want more and may not want to argue then,,, you will retain full control.





ps: men like things to be explained in blunt, short terms,,, not month long essays
sorry , I wasn't paying attention , what did you say
Ok I have some more advice to add to the mix. There certainly is a way %26amp; you need to find it. Ask him how he likes to receive this info. My partner says that when he is angry he doesn't 'listen' as well / accept what I might be trying to tell him. You know like if you are having an issue with something then you tack more and more onto it? You think he is angry now so don't want to waste it %26amp; maybe give him all the info then...saves more agnry conversations later?





Well he suggests that if it is important then to save it for later %26amp; bring it up when he is not angry.





We are early in relationship so no arguments really yet.





Also empowering the guy. Making him feel like what he is doing is useful to you, has benefitted you in some way. My sis %26amp; I were talking about how we deal with male %26amp; female colleagues differently at work.





Think about the charmers you know in your life. They just seem to get their way. They have learnt what works with women %26amp; what works with men (%26amp; various subgroups). It is certainly a skill.





Maybe look at 'how to motivate people'-type websites, too.
I have a husband that frustrates me to death. I never really knew if he was listening or not. I would ask him a question or make a statement, whatever, and he would say nothing!!!!!!! Drove me up a wall. So, I would raise my voice or I would find myself saying the same thing over and over and over again until he would scream back. Fed up. I went to my mom n law and voiced my concerns. This is what she said:


Men communicate differently and have communication issues period. Try saying it once or leaving a note. Do not raise my voice and watch the tone in which I speak to him.


I left her house feeling frustrated. Why did I have to change everything? Because that was so much easier. Men listen much better to a note posted on the shower door than 15 minutes of my nagging about the same thing. But when I sat down and without screaming or yelling, voiced my concerns to my husband, he realized he had been ignoring me. He makes it a point to answer me and listen and I make it point to always speak clearly and stick to the point. I tell him once or twice the most and let him carry it out. By doing this, I show I trust and depend on him. And when he does hat I asks he's cooperating. The best thing we ever did was talk. And I'm glad I spoke to my mom n law. We worked everything out.
You may be expecting too much. If he isn't big on chores, housework, bill-paying and other practical matters, he's going to ';forget'; everything you tell him no matter how it's conveyed. He'll continue to require ';reminders'; in hopes that you'll give up and just do it yourself. And maybe that will end up being the path of least resistance. Not all men are like this, but it's pretty common.
I found this web site to very good on communicating.


www no-problem-marriage-counseling.com /relationships.com hope you fine the answers. Best wishes
Men ';listen'; differently than women do. When women talk to each other, they talk about EVERYTHING at once - not only about WHAT, and WHO, but HOW. They talk about WHAT upsets them, WHO upsets them, and HOW it upsets them. The more women talk, the better they feel. It's the opposite with men - the more you talk, the more uncomfortable they get! Your one sentence in your ';question'; is the key to your problems - ';I am constantly talking to him letting him know what I need from him in terms of communication, and what help I need around the house.....'; All that ';constant'; talking is causing him to shut down, and tune you OUT.





Try this instead: Assign him specific duties. Such as, checking the dryer for laundry to fold. Emptying the dishwasher. Running the vacum cleaner in the den and bedrooms. These are just examples, so just use whatever is appropriate for you.





And yes, he is brushing you off. So try this: Say it once, and say it when he's looking right at you. Say it quietly, and say it like this, ';Would you please empty the dishwasher?'; ';Would you fold the stuff in the dryer?'; Then make sure that there are consequences to those things NOT being done - for instance an un-empty dishwasher, means that dinner can't get started until it IS emptied. After all, where are you expected to put the dirty dishes? In the middle of the kitchen floor? Don't worry about his laundry if he's not worried about folding the stuff in the dryer. Don't be mean about it. Don't pout, don't be ugly. Just get your stuff out of the dryer, fold it up, and close the dryer door. If you need to put more stuff in the dryer, scoop the stuff out of the dryer, deposit it in his favorite chair in the den, and go on about your business.





The reason he doesn't worry about these things is, if he blows you off enough times, he knows that you'll do it, and he's off the hook! So, don't do it. It will be hard, but DON'T DO IT. Let the dishes pile up, let the dried laundry get horribly wrinkled. Nobody will DIE if your house isn't perfect.





You probably work full-time, and you also probably keep everything running smoothly at home. But you need help. So show him that you need help. Show him what happens when things don't get done.
yes men and women both communicate in different ways and think differently in order for him to be able to effectivly understand what your saying you need to be direct and honest with him
I think a honey do list works well....write one for him perhaps jobs that need done ASAP, another for quick jobs, these are the ones he can finish easily (therefore hopefully there won't be any procrastination) and he will feel so pleased that he has accomplished something. At the same time you make a list for him, make some for yourself and the children (if there are any) so he doesn't think he should do everything, that everyone is sharing in on the responsibility's. Then as he does things start thanking him with a little note of thanks inside his lunch, promise him you'll thank him more later, let him know you appreciate what he does now. You can have a budget planned out as well on paper and things organized for him to take care of the bills, maybe make a special place to prepare them. Then have some fun, it can't be all chores, bills and remembering things ......remember to listen, take turns listening, maybe a change of scenery would work well...just some quiet time. Maybe he has a lot to remember....you love him remember....so cut him some slack. You may see him change, when he sees you change as well, good luck just remember the love!!!!
He's either insensitive, uncaring or self-centered. If you telling him directly what kind of help you need around the house, then he's the one with the problems not you. I would love a woman who would explain to me how I could make her life better, it would make the relationship even better. And when my wife tells me that ';she forgot';, that just drives me insane, because she can remember what other people tell her.