Men only: what's the right way for a girl to communicate with you when she is upset with you?

how should she communicate when she is upset at something you did or did not do? how shd she express herself so u like her and respect and feel like listening to her? how exactly shd she say it?Men only: what's the right way for a girl to communicate with you when she is upset with you?
Dear Myka:





There is no magic here just be calm say what it is you are wanting him to hear. The key is to communicate in a way that you would want someone to speak to you. More importantly never end your evening being upset and start your day with a smile if not for him then certainly for yourself.





Best to ya,Men only: what's the right way for a girl to communicate with you when she is upset with you?
The first thing to do is sit down and figure out why you're upset. That isn't just because of what the guy did, but it's something inside yourself. He may have done something stupid, but we're all doing something stupid at one time or another. Our mates may feel embarassed about it, but the stupid thing is not a reflection on us--it's stupid for the person who did it. Getting upset is on a whole different level, and you have to KNOW WHY YOU ARE UPSET. This is different from what the other person did. That usually resolves the issue because then you can tell them the reason why it bothered you.





Example: I went out on a bitterly cold night to visit a friend and fell asleep watching TV. Got back really late to find my girlfriend sitting up and she tore into me as soon as I walked into the house. But I apologized because it was stupid, and she apologized too. She said she was only angry because she was really scared about what had happened to me. It was that bitterly cold out, there were warnings that you should stay home and I ignored them. That was stupid. But her anger came from fear of what had happened to me. That wasn't directly connected with what I did, that was her feeling alone and she had to tell me about it. It meant something to me, and I realized that I wasn't as free to be as stupid as I once was. All in all, it was a pretty good swap. Give up some of my stupid in order to have someone care about me. I couldn't complain about that.
My last girlfriend was mad at me a lot for very little things and she yelled and was very vocal all the time, and eventually that's what led to me breaking it off with her. When she was upset with me she lost all sense of reason and just screamed at me. Guys aren't likely to respond to that. However, when she was really really mad at me she just wouldn't talk to me at all and totally ignored me. Of course that's when I responded the best. I don't know the logic or reasoning behind that, but if she really was mad and wanted to get her point across, silence solved everything.
My wife always uses the silent treatment and very poorly ';pretends'; nothing is wrong until I'm begging her to tell me. Then I'm all ears of course. This always works but requires your significant other to really care about your feelings. P.S. Nagging never works on guys. Make him come to you.
My Sweet Lady tells me straight and I usually end up crying with her. It's good and clears the air.
I'm not a guy, but I can tell you what always works for me.


Never use the word ';you'; in discussing negatives. And better yet, don't say anything negative.





BAD:


YOU never wash the dishes. =attacking and negative





BETTER:


I'd love help with the dishes from you tonight. =light and direct





BAD: YOU always pay more attention to Bimbo


BETTER: Things might get a little hot for ya if I get some of that attention, honey.
I like them to just keep their mouth shut and do what I tell them to do. Hope this helps.
My girlfriend and I came up with the idea of using a book. When one of us has a problem, we take time to gather our thoughts and go off and write down the issue at hand.





Then you give the book to the person and they read it at their leisure and then we discuss the problem. So far this has worked well (going on 3 years now and soon be married).





The main thing is that it is not confrontational and in order to write out a problem you really have to stop and think about it, unlike in an argument.