Friday, August 20, 2010

Why won't he answer my question?!?

I have been dating a man I met in May for the past 4 weeks. This past week his level of communciation with me has been very low. He used to call or text me every day, sometimes a couple times a day. We had a great date last week, but I have not seen him for 6 days. This past weekend (2 days ago) I asked to have a date with me tonight (Mon). He told me that he ';would love to';, but had to find out about tentative plans he may already have with a guy friend of his. He wasn't sure if the plans were going to be for tonight or tomorrow night. He said he would let me know. This morning I texted him and asked him if he knew if he was going to be available or not. 3 hours later after not hearing from him, I sent him a chat IM and asked if he got my text. He said no and that his phone was not working properly (this has been a problem in the past). I resent the text and he immediately responded by saying, ';I am not avail tonight. Sorry';.

Because I have had so many men disappear on me or blow me off just when things seem so great between us I assumed that his reply was his way of telling me that he is losing interest. Remember, he has really lacked communication this past week.

A few minutes later I responded by asking him if I would not be hearing from him anymore. He responded by saying, ';I didn't know we had plans set in stone for tonight';. Well, that does NOT answer my question.

I then reminded him of our conversation on Saturday about tentative plans for tonight and how he was supposed to get in touch with me. He responded by saying that he's had a one track mind work lately and not getting any sleep. Again, this does NOT answer my question.

I then tried calling him because I hate texting, but he didn't answer the phone. He then texted me and said that he was on the phone on a work related call and that he was getting ready to make another call.

I replied and again asked him if he was no longer intersted and that I would still like to date him. I also apologized for jumping to conclusions, but I am so used to be cut off without explanation by men that I could not help but judge the situation harshly. I also asked him to call me when he got a free minute from work. He did not call.

I later emailed him explaining myself again and asked him for his thoughts on the situation. All I want is an honest answer. Why is this so hard? Why won't he answer me? It's just words on a computer. We are not face to face. There is no confrontation. Just type the damn words and hit send. During our texting I asked him a simple question that required a simple one-word reply, ';yes';, or ';no';. I don't understand what the big deal is!

So, why is it that some men refuse to communicate? Especially with something so simple as this? At least I see it as simple. Either you want to date someone or you don't.

P.S. Just a little more detail...We have not had sex yet. He has had the opportunity (we've fooled around), but has been very respectful and not tried to take it to that level. So, it's not as if he's lost interest after getting the sex first. I'm guessing he wanted to take things slowly.Why won't he answer my question?!?
Hon, guys hate insecure women. You sound like a totally over the top insecure person who is just hanging around waiting on this guy. Look, if you don't hear from the guy, just let it go - get busy with your friends or whatever and don't be hanging around waiting on him and then all this calling and texting etc. etc. how annoying is what I would think if I was the guy. It has only been 4 weeks of dating and you are acting desperate and making demands on him - it's ridiculous. If this is how you acted with other guys then yep I guess they cut and ran.Why won't he answer my question?!?
women are always the communicators in a relationship
Your right, he should text back or talk to you about plans...but sometimes, you need to step back, give a little breathing room. MAKE him want to go out with you. You obviously like him a lot, but if you keep bothering him, it won't help him. Just tell him it would be nice if you communicated and talked once an a while, and that it would be fun to do something. Don't be to desperate

P.S. to your P.S..... Yeah, i can't say he's just lost intrest, but i think that shows that he wants to get to know you better, and that he doesn't want it to totally be over right after.
yea really...........i gave up after the first sentence
He's just not that into you. You need other things to do and other people to do them with. Even when people are married they are not ALL things to each other. In what I could manage to read and absorb, you seem to put allot of pressure on this man in your life to be there for you and to be available for you and to listen exactly to everything you might say and to then hold him accountable. How fun is that for him to be there for you? Ease up and get a broad spectrum of friends and possibly leave the one on one man thing alone until you can deal with the hanging out with friends part.
leave him alone
Ur bf is an idiot. Don't cry over him. Hes clearly not a good person and is avoiding u. Maybe there is something behind it. Maybe hes doing some important work.
maybe he feels like your moving to fast slow down maybe he is still dating other women and feel like your trying to jump into a relationship with him
My daughter went through something similar and I told her to stop reaching out to him. In my opinion he is not that interested and really lame for not giving you a direct answer. You are entitled to better than that. Please stop calling him and move on because he's not worth the effort. Besides really how much more can you do? Let it go so you can move on to better people. Keep an open and positive attitude and you will find someone much much better.

i'm really sorry,and this must be really hard for you.

i've been through it, alot.

and it drove me crazy,

this could either go two ways, he will start communicating more with you, or you'll start letting all of this get to you, and it'll ruin you.

choose wisely, follow your heart.
With this economy, he doesn't want to do anything that will jeopardize his job, so you calling during work hours may be a little pushy. Maybe you came on to fast for him, or maybe there's an ethical conflict (are you working for him, or with a customer of his business?) Maybe too pushy is scaring him away, and it kind of sounds like you're nagging him - that's always a turn-off.
I agree this is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too young
Just calm down, give him some time..
He's answered your question so bluntly you're obviousy in the mood to reject what you think it means.

You are pushy girl! Waiting 3 hours between an IM and a text? Do you not both work and have other people in your lives to get to. So he made an obligation 'tonight' that was more firm than your tentative obligation for tonight.

If all of your 'communications' happened in the course of one day, I feel sorry for the poor guy. You've already asked him for his thoughts and he hasn't given them. One a guy is confronted (and YES, it is still confronting even though its in words) and backed into a corner he will either lie or come clean. But he hasn't done either; so he's ACTUALLY busy.

Just take a chill pill and wait for him to contact you. Be cool, be calm and just ask if something's come up this past week. Have you ever thought that maybe other people in his life want time with him, not just you? That COULD be the problem. It COULD also be an increase of work, a big deal going down. There's a ton of things it could be, so let him sort through it and wait for him to get whatever it is back under his belt. Only then will he be okay with talking to you about it, and then being inquisitive is fine. Bringing out the Spanish Inquisition is NEVER okay.
Blah blah blah blah blah.The answer is five.
Hes not interested. Move on and stop asking questions. Dont contact him anymore.
His responses were aimed at trying to understand why you were acting the way you were so that he would know how to best address your concerns, and to try to avoid any further misunderstandings. Because you were projecting your past problems onto your relationship with him and making assumptions accordingly, then you were creating a problem which did not yet exist. Whether you believe it or not you were being confrontational and unreasonable, and your actions sabotaged your relationship with him. And maybe you subconsciously meant to do this. And maybe you've done this sort of thing in the past, too.
He knows what your feeling. You made it known what you wanted...a simple answer, you didn't get one. I would not text or call him again. If he wants to date you, let him call. If you never hear from him again, well, at least you didn't waste years wishing for something that didn't happen. Sometimes it's best to stop trying so hard to explain...he doesn't seem to want to hear it. Sorry.
send him an email apologizing for your psycho twin sister and that you will keep her away from him
I agree with the first answer, it asks you to post a question not a biography.

not to sound rude and all, maybe shorten it? And then i'll have no problem reading it.
make a long story short
Because we dont wanna read all of it
seeing other people?

maybe hes just a dick.
He's not your boyfriend but you are acting like you guys are together. Dating is one thing. But your behavior may have freaked him out a bit. Its only been 4 weeks AND no sex. He could only imagine how you could be if it was taken to that level. I think he's slowly backing out on contact because it may be too much for him to handle right now. Especially if his work is taking his time.
Sounds like he's just not that into you...
You didn't need to ask him so many times about the status of your situation... Asking him twice is enough.. Asking him more kind of makes you sound needy, and could freak him out.

I don't know what he's thinking right now.. It's kind of iffy.. But IMO.. it seems like he's not that into you and possibly made excuses about not being able to make it to dinner.

If I were you.. I'd stop responding to him, and wait if he ever calls you again or tries to establish contact with you..

Though ultimately I'd probably move on if worst comes to worst. /=
sounds like youre being a little too clingy too soon. give the guy some space, its only been 4 weeks. he probably doesnt want to be pestered by emails, im's, calls, texts all day. do your own thing for a while and if he comes around then maybe that was the problem. if not, its ok, plenty of other guys out there. remember, dont cling! good luck! :)
Something something 2.5678.Yeah IDK!!!
WOW! Yeah, that was long.. Only advise i can think to give you (since most of what i read i forgot already) Is that he probabaly isnt that interested or maybe he is. Dont spend your entire night waiting for him to call, instead go out or just hang with your friends, do something to get your mind off this.
Do you seriously want someone to read all of this?

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