Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Question about men in general?

This is an open question i'm not asking about any specific subject. okay, i know the biggest most common complaint from women about men is the lack of communication skills. I have awesome communication skills i am straight out with my thoughts/feelings. very blunt. He does not communicate. Ive already asked you guys enough question's that led me to realize i cant get him to communicate, he is a man. We've been together for almost 6 yrs. Have a son. Is there any relationship advice anyone can give me? Just from your experience? doesn't have to be on a specific topic. We are doing well but it doesn't hurt to hear some advice from others about men in generalization. How to make them happy, how to get them to be nice.. etc. Ive recently learned, i need to have attitude with him and be a little less than nice sometimes to get treated like gold. I tend to be a pushover. So if there is anything else i haven't yet learned in 6 years please let me know.Question about men in general?
My wife is half sugar and half spice. The sugar is her humor, her kindness and the incredible sex we have. The spice is her high standards, and the firm, harsh tone she takes when I disappoint her - which does not happen often. I am in love with her in year 20 of marriage so I guess this approach works well.Question about men in general?
Learn to understand him. After 6 yrs you should, no offense. My husband and I have been together for almost 6 yrs now. We just know each other. We don't need to communicate. Of course there is the occasional, ';oh I thought you meant this, sorry.'; but it's never bad or out of control. We have learned to communicate. it is a part of compromising for the one you love. If he loves you, he will be willing to learn some way to communicate, and if you love him, you should be willing to study him enough so that you just know him. lol. no offense
You're not a partner in a relationship if your focus is to manipulate him into treating you like gold. That is just selfish. Pushovers aka passive-aggressives, compelled to gently harp until you've beat that horse dead. If men don't communicate, it is because we choose not to discuss topics that don't interest us. If you want happiness, get a life. Shared independence is special. In another six years you'll look back on this and say ';Wow, what an idiot I was!'; and you'll be right.
Guys don't communicate, its a guy thing. Also, MRI studies show that when a man gets what he has focused on, you, part of his brain shuts down. It really does and it effects many areas. Women want answers of why does he??? but don't consider the reasons. They say that it is an excuse, but its real.
You didn't give us any example of how he has problems with communication, so we can hardly help you.





I can tell you one thing though, having attitude and being less than nice does NOT help in the long run. Yes, it can make him treat you a bit better for a while, but it will build up a lot of resentment. Repeat that enough times and you're heading for divorce. Why do you think that nagging and bitching is one of the top causes that men list when asked what was bad in the marriage?





And you can get a man to communicate - talk to him. Here's a few rules:





1) Choose the time. Don't start without any consideration for time, place and circumstances - there's nothing worse than when for example a man comes tired from work, and his wife starts harping about something right as he came through the door. Not just because he is tired at the moment, but because it then appears that she doesn't care how he feels.





2) Talk in a reasonable, logical way. Throwing a bunch of emotions isn't going to make things clearer.





3) Talk logically, consider both sides, both your points and his. Consider every aspect of the situation, not just the aspects that you want to emphasize. Listen to the other side, and what are his reasons for doing what he does or thinking what he thinks. I'm not saying that you should accept all of his thoughts as a holy truth, he might be wrong, but you should consider everything before making a decision.





4) There's only so much that can be aired out in one session. So choose your issues and don't try to talk about everything in one day.





5) Choose your battles in life too - some things are too small and insignificant, if you fight over each one, you will burn out your marriage rather fast. So, choose what issues are really significant for you and work on them, and let the small things go.

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