I am a muslim by religion and as you all must already know, i don't date. I am 21 now and i think i am ready for marriage and to look around for muslim men here in the U.S. I chose to communicate with muslim men through an online matrominial site for muslim singles because i don't live in an area with alot of muslims and the ones who are in my area are not the kinds i would like to spend the rest of my life with.
SO i met this gentleman online who is also a muslim. He is 24 years old. Pious, religious, respectful, and so on. Pretty much everything that i wanted in a guy. We have been talking for the past 1 month. Now, i belong to a very traditional and cultural family and i was raised with the idea that men are the ones to approach women because it does not look appropriate for the women to go up to a guy and make the first move/talk/propose/ or whatever you would like to call it. Therefore, i just find it really hard to be the first one to approach.
Anyway, so this guy added me in to his MSN messenger so that we could speak over the internet for some time before moving to phone calls. He messaged me the first week a couple of times and was the one to initiate conversations everytime i would come online. As i said before, i have been raised with the idea that a woman should not be the one to approach first and let her guy approach her first. So i would just wait for him to message me so that we can begin to talk. He did make an effort of messaging me first for about 6 or 7 times but then he stopped messaging me. I wondered for 3 or 4 days but then decided to message him first the next time he would come online. That is when some how he told me that he felt as if he was the one to always innitiate a chat session and i wasn't putting in any effort. He felt as if i am not interested in talking to him because i would never be the one to start a convo. I apologized and told him that i deal with huge ego issues when its about approaching a guy. But i'll be careful from now on. He said he has a huge ego as well and that is why he didn't want to message me first all the time in a row. So we spoke that day and everything went well. Next day he messaged me so i was glad i did not have to put in the effort of messaging him first because apparently it would look desperate for me to innitiate a chat session. The following day i messaged him thinking since he was the one to start yesterday so let me be the one to start today. Everything went well that day. However, he never messaged me after that day. It has been 4 days again and neither have i messaged him nor did he. I feel as if i would make myself look desperate if i message him first. Him being the guy should put in the effort and i will be more than happy to greet him with a very welcoming behavior so that he would know i am interested in talking to him...
Ok so what exactly am i doing wrong? What should i do in sucha situation? We have not spoken for the past 4 days in spite of the fact that we get along really well when we talk.So i have been talking to this Muslim guy for the past month (Kind of long but please take the time to read)?
Only 4 days? Geez, impatient much?So i have been talking to this Muslim guy for the past month (Kind of long but please take the time to read)?
did not read it all
just don't rush into marriage
worry about job and education first
i used to know a muslim couple. the girl lived in lebanon. stayed home all the time type of girl. However! She used to call her boyfriend (eventually became husband) in the US all the time. And she was very traditional. Obviously if you dont contact him he will not think you are interested.
Just contact him and ask him hows hes been, and what he has been up to.
Maybe even tell him uve missed chatting with him ;) %26lt;--- thats a lil bit of flirting.
Your fam is right that the man has to be the first to approach but once the numerous approaches have been done, the girl is absolutely okay to contact the guy to show him interest. You just shouldn't be the first one to initiate dates, and marriage proposals.
hay im a muslim girl too, so i'm glad i can help.
first, you have to change the ideia that you are amuslim girl and suld not do an effort to talk to the guy and so on... if you feel that he is intrested in you just go ahed there is nothingwrong in you asking about him first, he didn't call you because of the fact that he don't really know you well so he thinks that you have a very higth ego, and i can say from your writing that you don't and that you are intrested in him.
he didn't not call because of the reson that i mensuned, and not because he don't like you,
so call him and just say that it has been long time snce you guys talked and you just wanted to see how is he doing,
there is nothing wrong in doing that, it is wrong to crose the red line that we muslims have you and i both know that but there is nothing wrong in getting to know the person in a good way, don't be sooo easy to get and not sooo boring to talk to, i think that you have to contact him soon befor its gets too late,
be care full don't let him fool you with the name of love like you know guys for EG: if you really love me do this....or that... OR when he askes you to do something and you refuse he says ''you don't love me thats why you don't do what i want'' if he starts doing this let him go he is not that good her you have to stop talking to him, DON'T BELIVE A GUY THAT STARTS SAYING SUCH THINGS.
add me in you list we can talk more there are a lot of things that i will be more then happy to held you with.
Ok there are some big cultural questions here.
I'm not a muslim, so feel free to take this with a grain of salt, or a Mountain of salt if you wish.
It seems that there is a real communication problem here, part of it is based on your culture and back ground. What I think you need to do is try again, the message could be as simple as ';I miss talking to you'; or ';did I offend you in some way';.
Again, this is cultural and I'm not an expert by any means, but you are thinking it would make you seem desperate if you contacted him. I don't know how much this matters to either your or him, but here it's not considered for a woman to contact a man. It's kind of normal for men in the U.S. to want the woman to take an active role in communications.
I don't know if either of you was born here, or at what age you came to the states and how you were raised about these issues. It may mean you both have to bend a little to get the communications flowing again. If you have to message him again to get that started then do so, but you have to talk to each other to find out anything. Maybe even ask what his expectations are, and tell him what you expect from him. I know that is forward, but if you want anything to happen to move forward one of you is going to have to take the chance to open the dialog.
I know I'm going to spell this wrong (and please forgive me, I intend no disrespect) but I believe the expression is ';inch allah'; it's in Gods hands, and if he is willing it will happen, but God also wants us to help ourselves, we have to make the effort too.
I hope that maybe this will get you to thinking, not about what you are doing wrong, but about what you can do to make it right.
Just my thoughts
Just message him and ask how things are going. Just because his is Muslim does not mean his is that traditional. You could even leave him an offline message asking how things are going for him.
You are doing nothing wrong and if he is a muslim like you say then he should not expect you to contact him first . It is very easy to get on with people with messages and phone conversations maybe he is not what you think he is so I would wait until he contact again and see what the reason he give you for the time span, There are other nice men out there so don't let one stop you for looking more , As to find the right one the very first time is not likely,
look, this is a modern world we're living in now yeah? he's probably been raised to be more open than you, and is therefore more likely to want YOU to make some of the moves as well. it's exhausting and pointless for one person in a relationship to make every single move, and if i was in his shoes, i'd feel you were being a little selfish ans wouldn't want to be around you.
try being a bit more modern and taking the initiative. by not contacting him for 4 days you're cutting your nose off to spite your face.
In my point of view doesn have any interest on having serious relationship on you. Since he is not initiating the first move always probably he wanted to know if you are already hook on him. If you will initiate most of the move then it tells him that you really like him and he can play on you. I suggest to ignore him and if he initiate again the move dont give too much interest on him. It is better to meet the guy personally because you can read his action and motive better rather online. Hope you will find what you are looking for.
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