Why do men find it hard to communicate (truthfully)?

I will elaborate. the average man (not me) has serious problems opening up and communicating, whether it be in a marriage, or even in a friendship with another man. how many questions have I seen on this site where the woman wants/needs more communication from her man, but for some odd reason, he just doesn't care for it. are we afraid we will be less ';manly'; if we open up, share our feelings? I must be the exception to the rule, because I've always wanted to make sure I was not misunderstood, and probably communicate too much. why is it that in general, men won't do it, even if it means the end of their marriage/relationship? answers from men are welcome, but ladies please chime in....thanks.Why do men find it hard to communicate (truthfully)?
I've been trying to come up with an answer to this for years.





When my husband says he ';just can't'; communicate it frustrates me because he is employed, he gets along fine in the world. Clearly if he was unable to communicate he wouldn't have a supervisory job. To me, words are just words. You take thoughts and put them into words...tada!





Our therapist said that I'm not looking at the whole picture. I happen to be an excellent communicator. I can take complex ideas and communicate them in a thorough, concise way.





Our therapist asked how I would like playing tennis if I sucked at it and my husband excelled in it. She said after a dozen or so games I wouldn't want to play any more because he would kick my butt at it. Therefore she says my communication skills discourage my husband. She said I need to communicate less.





When I do talk I need to make the ideas simple and to the point....and that I need to expect less from him because he is a man. What? Men RUN the corporate world. They make contracts and space shuttle technical manuals and write novels. They're not four-year-olds.





Personally I don't think it would be that hard for men to learn a few phrases, such as:





I adore you; I couldn't live without you.





I'm sorry we fought. You mean the world to me. What we were arguing about is nothing compared to my love for you. Sit with me.





But what it comes down to is I love my husband with all my heart. He treats me well and is the best partner for me. I try to not communicate so much, he tries to communicate more.Why do men find it hard to communicate (truthfully)?
I think what you are saying is true. My husband's nature equals yours. May be God designed men to be less talkative. Also one more observation, my sister picked up three languages at the age of three. Now my son of 2.5 yrs still struggling to speak. Boys pick up talking very later. And men do not chatter.


Marriage can be succesful only if women understand this. Women always wants to take rather than give(generalised) which ends up in divorce.
I don't believe that men have a problem communicating. I think women try and over-complicate issues that we give simple resolve to. We say what we mean, and mean what we say...however they (apparently you as well) believe that there is some deeper rooted issue other than us saying that there are problems as simple as they are.





Edit:





First of all you show a lack of loyalty by serving in a branch other than the one you began with, and if it was any branch other than the ARMY you were WRONG!!! :P





Just kidding man. I actually tell my friends, co workers and many other men that I consider close how much I love them and care about them. I disagree with your belief that all men are some clammed up macho freaks that are afraid to express their feelings. Maybe those are men you know, but to label all men as incapable of expressing their feelings is pretty indecent.





Society, the one we have now, has actually put an emphasis on weak men that cannot maintain their families, cannot lead their homes and cannot show women the type of honor they deserve.





Apparently you fail at saying what you mean and meaning what you say. Men, real men, have no problem telling someone what's on their mind, and speaking with authority over their own feelings. Real men have a word that can be counted on... words that carry impact when spoken, I guess you don't understand that because you don't speak with such tone.





When I tell my wife that I feel betrayed or that I feel like she isn't listening, or that I love her with all that I am..she knows it.





I don't know what kind of man that you are, but you definitely need to work on your word and apparently your inability not to generalize.
I don't think that it's just that they can't man up, sometime a female takes what you say in their own light and it's turned around on you or on the next man.
Dont you think it starts in child hood when dad says ';man up'; and mom says ';boys dont cry!'; etc.
I asked a similar question once and a woman responded by essentially calling me a mama's boy. There's your answer right there. If we are open and honest- we are pu$$ies. If we aren't- we're cold-hearted pigs. I close up from time to time because my words seem to fall on deaf ears with my wife. As a man, I'm not supposed to have feelings and express them because men and women are emotionally different and our feelings tend to be dismissed out-of-hand by the more ';emotionally mature'; female. They don't understand us. We don't understand them. The difference is that most women don't have the ability to ';suck it up'; the way we do.
I'm not sure why men are this way but I can sure tell you that my man is the same way. He will talk about general things but when it comes to our relationship it's kind of the unspoken things...like I know he cares for me a lot and he like being with me. However there are times when I feel that if I was to get into my car and drive away he could care less if I come back because he is so reserved. I love him to death and would and do anything for him...he has done things for me as well but material things...like he gave me his car when he bought a new truck, he pays my cell bill, etc. But what I would really like is to just hear how he feels in his heart, even if it's just once.
I know it's typical for men, however in my marriage I am the open one and my wife is like the queen of england hiding in a stone castle without a door. and i am outside in the moat, trying to get in, while her servants throw spears at me and try to dump hot oil on my head.





my wife believes that all communication leads to intimacy, which causes a loss of self. she will go to any extent to protect that self, and that means she will destroy any attempt to create intimacy.





so, she doesn't communicate anything about herself.





when we first married i thought it was great because she doesn't b*tch about anything. then i realized the downside... no intimacy.
Well were can i start, I think the only reason that men have a hard communicating with eachother and oposit sex is because they are afriad that they're going to get judged by what they say and not by the way that they act... for inistance i have a really good guy friend that is always there for me when im going through a rough situation, and he always knows what to say and the right way to say it so that way he can get his point across and i can understand where men are coming from. But one night about three years ago he calls me up balling which for him wasn't normal in eyes since i was usually the one that would call him up crying like a baby... so anyways he calls me up crying and all i could do at the time was think to myself okk where the is this coming from something has to be really wrong in order for him to call me up crying... we get to talking and all off a sudden his whole life story comes out and he tells me how much he's liked me since we first started hanging out and talking... i was shocked at first considering the fact that he had been dating the same girl for the last 2 years and we had only started talking and hanging out 1 year before.. he basically laid everything out on the table for me to know and at that point i really started to notice that he is a really good guy that could make my life a hell of a lot easier for me and so i told him my one little secret that no one knew about except for me and my blog, i told him that i had like him for the last 5 months and he was surprised i thouught that he was going to die on me and then we would have had an even bigger problem... but after i told him that he really started to open up and we connected on a whole different level and we started dating 3 days laters at this point i came to find out that the only reason that he had called me up was because his girlfriend broke up with him and he needed to get all of feelings off his chest, we dated for a year and then he moved to be with family i still talk to him to this day and its been over 2 years since i last seen him and in a way us dating was probably one of the best things that had ever happend to him... he is now happy married to a wonderful girl that i have meet only once but she knows that we have a past together and she undestands that so i guess my advice to you is just open up and let it all out it could be for the best in the end....
You know what? It's not that guys don't want to share or we don't feel like communicating. Guys don't experience the emotional spectrum of women. Women can feel things all the times. I'm usually hungry, or tired, or whatever. My wife could ask, ';What are you thinking?'; and I'll answer with ';nothing'; since I was just kind of hanging out.





It's not vulnerability, we just don't have as highly in-tuned feelings. Dogs can hear sounds humans can't. It's not that we don't want to hear sounds they can, we physically don't.





Same thing.
Men's nature is made up of a big ego composed of





Men can do all


Men can provide


Men don't cry


Men satisfy sexual needs


Men can't be drama queens


Men can take all





Whenever a man is confronted with a dialog that has to do with any of the above, he gets intimidated and tend to shut up like a clam as a means of protecting his ';reputation';





The woman next to him has a responsibility and needs to be wise to understand that. In a smart and indirect way, she needs to make the man feel comfortable when talking about these issues, giving the man the certainty that is o.k. to violate those ego requirements.





Its only when a man in confronted with criticism and judgement that he puts up his guard and become stones and stuborn as mules making them act in a way they later regret.
I like this question and it brings up a lot for me. My experience is this: .I was married to a woman who does not express her feelings and all that mattered to her was “stability” Man = strong = does not change his mind = sure of himself = take care of me= and will not lose his job ( LOL) . This is portrayed indirectly in the relationship ads… the woman won’t name her salary but wants the potential mate to make 50 and up….. My Ex saw her monetary contribution as secondary( even thought I work just as hard at home) but I am to be always the main bread earner… Are we in 2009? Someone in this forum said that “he is nice to me “He gave me his car” So Nice = give me = take care of my needs. How about asking him how he feels about the thought that when he looses his job ( rare these days) and how you are going to drop him like a hot potatoe. How about the woman tell the man this : I will be at your side rain or shine, job or no job and tell him that the relationship is about helping each other and giving of oneself to the marriage” and then watch and see how he will open up. (You the woman might fell that your are the one closed up) Most men I know feel that they are mistreated in their marriage because they feel used and afraid that they will be dropped one day when pink slip is put in front of them. A lot of pressure on them and as long as the question of “security” is not addressed by the woman any communication is just but Blablab and empty of substance. Love is a two way street! Address what important to the man namely his pride and fears.