How can I get him too communicate? Need men's points of view?

i have been with my kids dad on and off for the past 4 years. he has always told me he wants us to work on our communication, and i have i approach things allot differently with him now and have made many changes over the last 4 years, and yet he does not try. whenever i try to express my feelings to him he automatically assumes i am attacking him and jumps to being defensive and then it turns into a big fight. I guess my question is how can i express my feelings to him without him feeling attacked, and will i ever be able to communicate with him without it turning into a big fight? How would you want your woman to communicate with you?How can I get him too communicate? Need men's points of view?
I guess you should re-evaluate how you are telling him, if you're expressing your feelings in a way that would make him defensive than I'm not sure what you are doing. But if you are trying to express yourself to him I would say to do it subtly, if such a matter turns into a fight then maybe you're being a bit forceful, you have been with this man for 4 years I'm sure he is aware how you feel about him, so I would say just show it with the things you do but dont over do it then he might catch on and it would turn into another fight.





As for being able to communicate without fighting, as long as you're both putting the same amount of energy into the relationship then you should be fine giving and taking and what not, but really if he has a problem with your expression of feelings then I'm not too sure that you should be investing that much energy in someone that doesn't try.How can I get him too communicate? Need men's points of view?
My husband is also very uncommunicative. I read two books that helped a lot - ';You Don't Understand Me'; by Deborah Tannen and ';The Dance of Anger'; by Harriet Lerner.





The biggest thing was to become consistent with 'I' statements and positive alternative - ';when you tell me I'm fat, I feel hurt. Can you say that you like curvy women, but you're concerned about my health instead? Also, will you help me lose weight by being my exercise partner?';





Your partner doesn't know what you want to hear and can't read your mind, so telling him straight out and telling him more positive options may help.